The OIMR
by kaheels
Summary: Mulder's musings on relationships sends him down an interesting path.


Author's note: So, I recently re-watched the pilot and I'm still floored by the connection Mulder and Scully had from day one, regardless of what Chris Carter said. It made me think about my relationship with my husband and how I knew we could work. This is what came out as a result.

I'm not totally sure when it takes place. Probably early season seven would make the most sense in the overall context of the show. If you want to imagine somewhere else, feel free. I kind of see it in season five.

Rated K+ for some mild language. Thematically it's pretty tame

Disclaimers: I don't own anything. No really, I mean, we're still living on student loans so nothing I have is really mine yet. That includes X-Files, Mulder, and Scully. I'm just borrowing them for the moment.

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If you ask me, it ought to be a pre-requisite for relationships. I mean, I guess I don't really believe that relationships should or could be regulated in some sort of real way. But, if they were, this is definitely something on which I would have to insist. You know, you come into the Office for the Instigation of Meaningful Relationships and present your case as to why you and your "Intended" should be together. The guy at the desk would ask you to describe the person in detail as well as any events that exemplify your ability to function as a couple. He'd probably have a clipboard with a checklist on it. You know, you'd have to meet three requirements out of the five in one column and four out of seven in the next, something like that. And if the people who made the list had any brains at all (which is a tall order, I know) or if I had any say in it, there would be one big bold requirement at the bottom of the paper. One that absolutely had to be checked before the guy at the desk could pull out the official dated stamp and smack it down on the page.

I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak from experience. Relationships need a steady and significant dose of silliness. I mean, if you have any intention of being with a person every day, through the fun and the not-so-fun realities of everyday life, you'd better be able to laugh at yourself and at each other. The thing is, sometimes life doesn't offer many opportunities to have fun; you just have to create them, or somehow manage to find amusement amidst the madness. The problem is it's not always easy to tell if two people are capable of making each other laugh. I mean, dating life is full of nervous giggles and laughing at your date's jokes regardless of how funny they are. On top of that, it's nearly impossible to produce real-life circumstances on a date. In fact, the whole idea is to create a collection of moments that are as far from normal as possible.

I guess I, or should I say we, never had that problem. Everything we did was completely unreal, but not in the way dating is. Quite the opposite, really, we had to fight to find normal moments that weren't fraught with stress and madness. For us, it was even more important to be able to find levity in moments of terror and gravity. I mean, without it, we probably wouldn't have survived. By that I don't mean that our relationship wouldn't have survived, although that's probably true, I mean that we probably would have ended up in padded rooms somewhere or maybe under six feet of earth. We came close to that happening as it was.

It's funny; I keep referring to us as being in a relationship. I guess that's true in a literal sense. "Relationship" can be defined fairly liberally, and what we have certainly qualifies. I guess in my OIMR scenario, I haven't quite applied for a certificate of approval to enter into a meaningful relationship. It's not that I don't love her. God, I've loved her since square one. A lot of things are uncertain in my line of work, but one thing's for damn sure: Dana Scully is my missing piece. She fills me out in all the right places.

Sure we have our moments of not really connecting, and honestly, those moments are almost always my fault. I have been known to behave like a jackass when my eye's on the ball. Maybe that's the reason that I haven't applied for our certificate. Scully is my missing piece, but I'm not quite as sure that I add to her equation. Actually, sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm a negative factor in her life. I know that she loves me, and there are times when I'm fairly certain she wants to be with me, but I've hurt her so many times and she doesn't deserve that.

Damn it, there is something seriously wrong with me. How many times have I made decisions for her? Run off without her because. . . why? Because I don't trust her? No way, my trust in her is almost spiritual. Because I don't want to put her in danger? That could be it. She already risks her life for me on an almost daily basis, and I run off into some pretty stupid things. Although not taking her with me ends up being pretty pointless in the end since she usually winds up in even more danger when she has to save my sorry ass.

You know what, maybe it's time I go all in and let her decide. It's pretty obvious that I want a meaningful relationship with her or I wouldn't have ever invented some stupid, fictional department to prove to myself that we could make it. After all we've been through; I have little doubt about that. I guess I just have to get over my ego-maniacal need to decide what's best for Scully and hope to God that she decides that I'm it.

Maybe it's like I said, at least I can make her laugh when things get bad. I gotta tell you, we would definitely qualify if I ever got around to dragging my ass into the OIMR. Hell, they might have to pull out extra-special gold ink to put on our page, we are that good together. The guy at the desk would probably think I was lying when I described our relationship and it hit every single point on the checklist. You know, not just the requisite three or four. Still, I can see him with a smug look on his face as he gets to the last thing: the one at the bottom of the page in big bold letters. You see, this last one sends a lot of relationship hopefuls packing. They think it's a stupid requirement, that it has no bearing on the health of a couple's bond. That there is absolutely no way the ability to sustain a relationship is dependent on one silly little moment.

Boy are they wrong. I know better. I know that it was at that moment I knew that I wanted to be around her, that I trusted her, that I was already falling in love with her. It was at that moment that I knew I would eventually be where I am right now: at her door, raising my arm to knock so I can tell her I love her and that I want to be her everything. It's funny, now that I'm here; I'm not scared anymore of if she'll want what I want because I know that moment was reciprocal. It might seem stupid, but all those years ago we were already destined to be in a meaningful relationship. Because we could check the last box on the page:

□ **Have you and your Intended ever laughed hysterically in the middle of a torrential rainstorm for no good reason at all?**

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***Please review. I'm always open to constructive criticism (emphasis on constructive). I'm even more open to praise. ; )


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